While Wolfgang Mozart showed an amazing aptitude for music very early in life, he also displayed an absolute affinity for women. His charm was alluring, earning him the title, "The Most Kissed Boy in Europe." Unfortunately, his adorable charm began to fade when, at age seven, he proposed to the future queen of France, Marie Antoinette, and was rejected. Things got worse when his girlfriend and the love of his life forgot him after his absence during a musical tour of Europe. She didn't even recognize him when he entered the room. Ouch. Imagine, were he alive today, young Mozart could have tried courting 21st Century-style with a date at the movies. This teen was the type of courter who, eager to scoop a handful of bosom in the dark theatre, would employ the "stretch and clutch" maneuver. This is a smooth and delicate movement where the suave pubescent pretends his arms need a stretch. After slowly lifting his limb closest to his target, he reaches around to her furthest shoulder and casually rests his hand there. Little by little he begins to feel the overwhelming force of earth's gravity as his hand creeps down. This tactic sometimes backfires, leaving a buttery hand print across the attacker's doleful face and an angry phone call from the girl's father. In the event his device failed, he would have simply pursued her sister. It worked for him back in the 1700's! Well, sort of. His wife, the sister of the first "forgetful" girl, was described by him as "not ugly, but in no means a beauty." He went on to write, "She is not witty but has enough sound common sense to enable her to fulfill her duties as a wife and mother." Again, ouch! Enough of Wolfgang. One fellow who never had any romantic charm to begin with was Franz Schubert, nicknamed "Little Mushroom" for his chubby stature, little round glasses, and shy, geeky nature. A crummy catch for most girls , he was a poor composer who couldn't even afford his own piano and composed his piano works on a cheap guitar. At one point he thought the best way to woo a potential sweetheart was to write her a love song. Unfortunately, he couldn't sing to save his life ever since his voice broke at age 16. He devised a scheme where his friend, Schober, a handsome tenor, sang the tune to the girl with Schubert's piano accompaniment. Much to the mushroom's dismay, when the song was finished, the girl embraced Schober! If only he were born in the mid-1900's, Schubert would have been much more successful in catching girls with his music. All he would have to do was holler out the song himself, strum a few chords on his Fender and gaze at her through his groovy, John Lennon-style glasses. The guy would have been a babe magnet, and I'd still love his music, be it changed. Peter Tchaikovsky had disastrous relationships. His first marriage lasted only 9 weeks, which resulted in him trying to kill himself. Other affairs didn't get much better. He finally met a wealthy 46-year-old widow, but their relationship never went past writing letters for 14 years. They met once by pure accident and were so embarrassed that they ran in opposite directions. Peter would have done very well had he the chance to date on the Internet. Thousands of on-line dating and matchmaker services offer a highly selective process in which the seekers specify the personality, physical appearance , income bracket and other details of themselves and their potential mates. Peter was a handsome lawyer who dressed very well and had expensive taste. This successful and famous musician was also sensitive guy who wasn't afraid to cry. This hunk would have cleaned house on www.composerdate.com. Even if he chose to continue his relationship with the widow on-line, it would've saved him oodles in postage stamps and would have been much quicker than mail delivery in 1880's Russia. Maybe he could've gone a step further and picked up the phone, or even hopped on a plane to take a visit! It's these modern-day miracles in technology that could have bridged an awkward gap in poor Tchaikovsky's love life. As I write this I think of what my love life would have been like if I lived in the time of the great composers. Chances are, I would've married for money, or worse, against my will, and life as a woman would have meant serving my husband and fifteen-plus children. At least my corset would've had me too breathless to complain... Even though life seems to be more complicated in the 21st Century than ever before, I'm blessed to have a relatively simple life with endless opportunities and to have found love. It's not romantic, but it's simple, it's real and it's mine. |
